


Where Patrick Goes On Halloween

by WayFish



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Murder House
Genre: Adultery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Candy, Death References, Feels, Kissing, M/M, References to Suicide, Trick or Treating, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 22:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WayFish/pseuds/WayFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because I love you, understand?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Patrick Goes On Halloween

Halloween was Jacob's favorite holiday.

Four years ago he'd dressed like Michael Phelps. And the next day he'd woken up, for the first time, next to Patrick.

Though he didn’t, at the time, know that that was his name.

The Halloween after that he’d cried into his sofa. Given himself alcohol poisoning. Considered suicide. And now here he was, two short years later, in the burbs of all places, trick-or-treating with a pre-teen and a boyfriend and--

Jacob watched Sara toddle up the walk in her octopus costume. Not his best work, he though. But she was happy. That was what mattered. “Remember to say thank you,” he called. And she served up this sassy look. He laughed and she knocked on the door.

“Trick-or-treat!”

Aaron tugged on his shirt sleeve. “Hey, where’d you go?”

“Hm? Nowhere.” Before Aaron could push the issue Sara came bounding back down toward the sidewalk. “Get something good, chiquita?”

“They had chocolate bars! The big kind!” she cried, and it was off to the next house where they repeated the process. Jacob and Aaron stood at a safe distance with the other parents and watched as another cadre of children lined up for candy.

It felt a little like he was crossing enemy lines. And Aaron was giving him that look. That deeply frightening affectionate look. The one he would get in the mornings sometimes, when they were waking up together. Kind of surprised and a little grateful and in love.

Jacob would have kissed him. He wanted to kiss him. Except, well this was still the burbs. And it didn’t matter how many liberal bumper stickers Californians stuck on their SUVs. They got weird about that sort of thing in front of the kiddies.

“Thank you for doing this,” said Aaron, for maybe the 100th time that night.

“It’s no big thing. Really.”

"But it is."

Aaron was tall and lanky and had a lot of obscure band t-shirts in his closet. His dark shaggy curls said east coast. And he had green eyes that he narrowed in focus behind Ginsberg glasses whenever he was choosing his words carefully.

"It really is," he said

They’d met while working on some indie film. Aaron was a sound engineer. Jacob had been doing the costuming. And Aaron had stepped on the hem of an actress's dress in passing. Well, not just 'an actress', but the lead; this up and coming twenty something who'd pitched an ugly crying fit. And it wasn't just a dress, but the dress. For the scene. The one where she was supposed to contemplate love and stare wistfully into the distance. Because really, what is love but staring wistfully into the distance.

Jacob had yelled at him for a solid fifteen minutes. Aaron had asked him out for coffee.

Patrick had been gone more than a year by then. And he hadn’t been out with anyone since. So he'd said yes. Just to see if it was possible. If he could. He'd said yes. And it wasn't supposed to become anything.  But how long had they been doing this now? Eight or ten months?

“Her costume is adorable," he said and kind of tentatively took Jacob’s hand. “And you didn’t have to but you did.”

Sara was already skipping ahead to another house, taking Aaron’s hand and dragging him behind.

She was his niece. His soon to be adopted niece. The mother, Aaron’s sister, had died in a car crash. And she hadn’t talked to Aaron in years but he was her only next of kin. When the lawyers called they’d been walking out of a bar. And Jacob would never forget his lack of hesitation or the way the marquee light passed over his face. He’d just said yes.

“And it’s her first holiday since, you know, the accident. So it means a lot. And I wouldn’t have known how to do all this and...”

"Babe, it's trick or treating. Not rocket science."

"I know." Aaron blushed and smiled. And he watched Sara fondly as she approached this new house.

Jacob thought Sara was kind of entertaining and fascinating. But he also knew that he could never do something like that. Just say yes to being someone's parent. He knew that Patrick could never do something like that.

But still. It was still moments like that. When Aaron was looking at him that way or holding Sara’s hand as they walked down the street that all he could think about was Patrick. And he hated himself for it. Because Patrick was flawed and messed up and fickle and moody and gone. And Aaron was adoring and giving and perfect and there. 

“Really,” Aaron said, “I just, thank you. I love you and thank you.”

But still he was thinking about Patrick. And that was when he saw...

“Patrick...”

“What?”

He knew it couldn’t actually be. Just a blond man in a black hoodie. That was it. A blond man. There were lots of those in LA. Just a trick of the light. But then the blond man in the black hoodie paused and stood there, staring right at him.

“I’m sorry. I think... I think I see someone I used to know. I’m just going to go say hi.”

“What? Oh...Yeah, ok.”

“Thanks.” The man in the black jacket, the man who couldn’t be Patrick, turned away and set off down the block. “I’ll be right back,” Jacob called, weaving through the crowd.

He faintly heard Sara ask “Where’s he going?”

And Aaron said, “I don’t know.”

The man, who he was mostly sure was Patrick, was most of the way down the block already. He turned right into the crowd and Jacob had to sprint to catch up. For a horrifying second he thought he’d lost him. But when Jacob rounded the corner there he was, standing in a pool of street light, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels like he was alive and happy to see him and nothing had happened.

“Patrick.” 

“Hey,” he grinned. “How’s it going?”

“How’s it going...?" Jacob didn't know whether to hit him or kiss him. "How is it going?"

Before he could do either, before he even knew it was happening, there were tears streaming down his cheeks.

"You, you’re supposed to be..." He slammed his fists against Patrick's chest, half hoping that he would disperse like a mirage. But instead there was only solid flesh and bone. "I went to your funeral!" he cried. "Your mother-in-law screamed at me... Said it was my fault."

Patrick's face fell. "Honey, I am so--"

Jacob hit him again. " She said that I had killed her son. That I had... I saw them put you in the ground. Now I’m losing my mind. That’s how it’s going.”

“No. You're not.” Patrick put his hands on his shoulders, holding him at bay, leveling his gaze. "I know it seems crazy. But it's me. I promise."

Sometimes Jacob still had dreams about those blue eyes. He'd always thought that they were kind of breathtaking. And he might have fallen then, collapsed beneath the weight of it all. But Patrick gathered him close, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. And Jacob just dissolved.

"How could you just... go?" He cried, and nuzzled in against Patrick's shoulder, breathing in big gulps of him. Christ, he hadn’t even realized. “The first few months I was sure I saw you everywhere." He’d started to forget how Patrick smelled. And it was all rushing back. "Does this mean you’re back?”

“No.” Gently, Patrick eased him away. “Not really. Only for tonight. I only came to see if you were alright.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not important. You’ve got a... a family," he said. "That’s better than alright. That’s everything I wanted for you.” Patrick cradled his face in his hands, brushing the tears from his cheeks. “That’s everything we ever wanted.”

His hands were rough and warm, just like he remembered. “That’s not... That’s this guy -- his niece. But that doesn’t matter. If you’re here then-”

“Does he make you happy?”

“What?”

Patrick was blinking back tears of his own now. “Does he love you?”

“How could you ask me that?”

“Are you happy?" he said softly. "Is he good for you? I don’t have much time. Please.”

“Yes," Jacob sniffed. "I think. He has a great kid and he’s great. But I miss you." And suddenly the tears were coming again. "I don’t understand. If you’re here then why...”

“We just can't. But I’m so glad.” Patrick smiled, sad and bright and torn, and raked his hands through Jacob’s hair. "Really, I'm happier than you could ever know."

They would be catching up soon, Jacob thought. Aaron and Sara. “So you’re really going?”

He nodded. “I have to. But I don’t want you to worry about me.” Patrick kissed him softly. “Be happy. Trick-or-treat with your great guy and his great kid. I need you to do that for me." 

"But..."

"No. Just do it," he said, and cut him off in the best way. "Do it because I love you, understand?"

Jacob nodded. And Patrick gave him another tight squeeze. “Good.” Another kiss. The last one. “I love you.”

And just like that he was gone and Jacob was left standing there, clutching at air, cheeks damp and cold.

A moment later Sara was calling his name and coming around the corner with Aaron close behind.

“How’s your friend?” he asked.

Jacob pulled him close and kissed him hard, hoping that it would be enough to let him know. Enough to make up for all the times he’d done it only half meaning, the times he'd done it thinking of Patrick.

Sara giggled. He heard some soccer moms whispering as they passed.

“What was that for?”

“Because I love you. Understand?


End file.
